Whisperers and Shouters

By Jonathan Lam on 02/15/18

Tagged: essay

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Dinnertime. My ears are being bombarded. Constant noise. People arguing. They ask me of my opinion. I give a vague response. They ask again. Some moral question about whether or not a new immigrant from China should move in (for protection) with a man she had just met. Some issue in the family. I say I don't know.

When they ask again I shove my seat out and leave. I go downstairs to read with the cats and solve a Rubik's Cube.

About an hour later, my mom comes downstairs to poise the question again. I repeat that I don't have a good answer. My dad follows, yells at me for several minutes. He says I should have said, "I don't know." That I should have some respect. I said I did say "I don't know" at dinner, but he ignores that. I then say "I don't know," again. Then he says I have an attitude. Finally, after another half-hour of useless berating, they walk upstairs. I fall asleep.

An hour later, they yell at me again for falling asleep. I get dragged upstairs.

Sometimes you just can't win.

I guess the worst part, even more than the confusing accusation (of which I still plead my innocence) is of the tones. They may not have really been shouting. It wasn't loud enough to hurt the ear. (Then again, I may have gotten used to it over the years.) But every word is an attack. And no person has that much to attack another person for so often at regular dinners. Physically, it's as if the note is loud at the beginning and end, abrupt both coming and going. It's like the square sound wave that electric guitars have.

And that's the main thing I hold against debaters as well. That pretentious, loud tone. The only merit that it has is that it's not dead, like the voices of many of the classmates I have during English class. But at least they're not trying to hurt anyone— they're just trying to keep up in class, and that's not a bad effort.

I like to consider myself a whisperer. I never raise my voice— I don't ever see the need to. It's like the evil characters in the movies, who are always described as having their quiet, malicious voice carried by a wave of cold air. But whispering is surprisingly effective. It works.

peace…

calm…

You don't have to shout to draw attention.