Changing Standards

By Jonathan Lam on 12/24/17

Tagged: brain-dump

Previous post: Finished THL Imports
Next post: Growing into High Society

I used to think that I should understand everything with certainty in class. This works because of that, that works because of something else. Sometimes we would be told that what we were originally taught was wrong, but there was a reasonable explanation that made sense. Or sometimes, as was the case in Algebra I with the quadratic formula, we were told that we would learn it in the future, and then a quick proof was made to convince us that it worked. Then we could forget it. Just a proof to convince us that a proof exists.

But I’m in a strange phase now. It’s at the point when teachers or textbooks sometimes say “the proof for this theorem is outside the scope of this course (book).” This usually happens in math classes. In science, we’re told that nothing can be proven, and experimental data becomes ever more difficult to decipher. And in English classes, we’re told that perhaps nothing really exists (solipsism) or matters (nihilism) outside of ourselves.

I guess I was sorely wrong. In Chinese school, I was placed in the third grade class when my prior knowledge was only patchwork from when I was a toddler. In piano practice, I seemed to miss an integral part of my education: music theory. I knew how to play the music, but I didn’t know what I was playing. All of the different chord types or classical music formats or the styles of different composers were all just words to me; it only got worse when it came to contemporary music. I never learned sports or TV shows, which made lunchtime conversations difficult.

A classmate’s realization made me realize that this was normal: I was supposed to feel this way. We had a substitute in class, and my classmate said:

This is such a hard class. Mrs. S. doesn’t teach us that much. What I learned, I learned by myself.

And this is only too true.

I guess the best way I’ve followed this philosophy is in computer science. I’ve been reading programming documentation ever since the sixth grade and assuming they’ve been written by adults, for adults. So I got used to it and learned by experimentation. My knowledge grew exponentially: because I knew that I really didn’t know anything, and then continued with that mentality. There was no consequence of messing up other than frustration, and the satisfaction that stems from solving a problem completely makes up for any mental harm done. Only recently, after attending a few hackathons, do I realize how much youth play in the programming community.

The problem is that, being in the same American school in system since I’ve been four years old (and the same for my music education), I expected everything to be presented to me in a logical, sequential order. As if a roadmap were laid out by the many millions of Americans who came before me. It worked out for the first decade, but as college and the contradictions of real life approached in these last few years, it becomes ever less and less true. Apparently every student learns differently, and there is no wonder-path. I never pushed myself past what is given. Because I didn’t know I had to.

I know now.