On Preaching Myself

By Jonathan Lam on 07/24/17

Tagged: essay

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As I've already mentioned, I love to brag. Or participate in activities that I consider myself competent in (i.e., "compete" more than "participate"). But, almost more than any of my other narcissistic abilities, is the art of teaching (i.e., "imposing") what I love to do on others.

My two siblings and I are in the habit of bragging about our invisibility at school and about our lack of friends. After all, we're minorities in a 95+% Caucasian school. But we're not even similar to the majority of the minorities, who so often fit into the stereotype of the typical American high-schooler from our school; it's easily arguable that family values of humility and respect of elders have pushed us into the quieter, non-typical category.

Ask any of my friends. Ask them how our personalities differ. I'm sure they'll have loads to say.

Right now I'm bonded only very weakly to a wide group of friends. No one very important (just high-schoolers, I mean), and not many on more than one level. I bowl, Rubik's cube, run, code, and love the academic mathematics and sciences. It's a bit of a strange combination, I know, but who isn't unique?

But I don't really want to be so different. I want some sort of soul mate, someone to laugh with when we see those XKCD programming comics or be able to chat with comfortably. While I do occasionally get the opportunity to do so, it's always shallow and limited to the current field, whether that be in Programming Club or the Bowling Team or the Cross Country team. I don't want the romantic type, but the good ol' buddy-type. And it's just not happening… at least, not yet.

I've tried to make people my protégé in the past, from my sister to the mentees in Math Mentoring or some of the younger runners in cross country. I've had minimal success, converting only a few of my chemistry classmates to bowling and running teammates to Rubik's cubing. And the problem with that is that, the more force you apply on an unwilling person (a still and stubborn object), the more they move away from you, naturally. Newton says so.

I assume it's possible in the vocational field or even university students, when professionals and some students have the choice and power to choose who they work around, to meet the people that share interests with them, but I'm not quite there yet. I guess the only person I can fully convince to apply my interests is myself.

For now.